"She complains of a dry cough that hurts when she coughs and also when she takes a deep breath for three days."
"The next patient's name is Doe, John.... I'm not sure which is the first name and which is the last name, although I would imagine Doe would be the last name, unless it's John."
"This is a well-developed female who is working rather hard to bleed."
"The patient's gait is normal. I am able to stand on her toes."
"The patient was discharged in a prescription for Tylenol #3."
"The patient comes in because she wants to get pregnant."
"This 50-year-old teacher is undergoing polysomnogram because of daytime sleepiness and difficulty staying asleep while teaching."
"This is an evaluation of an 11-year-old girl who suffered a fall while ice skating today on her left wrist."
"Please make a copy of my office."
"The other foot has the missing toes."
"Sterile dressing was applied and the knee was sent to the recovery room in good condition."
"Her stools throughout the entire hospital were guaiac-negative."
"He is an occasional smoker, smoking ten packs of cigarettes a day for the past 19 years."
"Pelvic and rectal were not examinated."
"No shlurred speeth."
"Blood loss from the procedure was less than 10 gallons."
"First name Victor, spelled V as in Victor...."
"Preoperative diagnosis: Unexplained abdominal pain in the knee."
"She is sexually active with one muscle."
"Duration of illness is probably at least since he became ill."
"He denies falling asleep while driving during meals."
"Patient has been married for 30 years, living at home with husband, and in the past has had dogs, cats, and children as pets."
"Also, on his right hand he has a left thumb dislocation."
"Well baby check. Height 24.5 inches, weight 15 pounds, head circumference 42.5 inches."
"She had difficulty completing simple calculations. For example, when I asked her what 3 times 3 plus 1 equals, she said 'ten'".
"She had erythema from the knees all the way up to the ankles."
"That's Catherine with a 'C', spelled k-a-t-h-e-r-i-n-e."
"Oh, transcriptionist, could you sneak into that last patient's rectum and add a scant amount of guaiac-negative stool? Thanks."
"Her decrease in vision in this eye is interfering with her ability to see."
"She lost her cool this week and apparently blew up her husband and daughter."
"She is able to raise her shoulders above her head without difficulty."
"This is a very pleasant child sitting up on the stretcher in bed with his mother who is very playful and a pleasure to play with."
"The patient's peritoneum was allowed to escape completely."
"The scope was withdrawn the length of the esophagus, which was normal. The patient was then terminated."
"The patient was a 52-year-old smoking lady."
"I will try to do a urine on her as an outpatient."
"Next patient is San..... San..... something-or-other."
"Her mother looked at her ears today and brings them in today to be checked."
"He was given a prescription for Keflex if the ear suddenly comes back."
"Assessment: Right 4th toe contusion, possible fracture. Plan: Buddy tape the right 4th toe to the left 3rd toe."
"The patient has poison oak again. She's trying all kinds of things to avoid it. She even strips and puts her clothes straight into the dishwasher."
"This is a well-developed gentleman who is obviously pregnant."
"His upper teeth, if he had them, feel normal."
"This is a well-developed elderly female. She is oriented to the year, and unsure of where she is. She is unsure of the president, but mentions Hulk Hogan as a possibility."
"The patient will be set up for the vein clinic in four to six weeks. She wants to get pregnant this summer, so I want to get her in and get her taken care of as soon as possible."
"She uses condoms for birth control pills."
"I gave her seven suppositories, one for each rectum."
".... end of dictation. Oh wait, I forgot her breasts. Please put her breasts up by her abdomen."
"The patient has two anal fissures in the same anus."
"There is vertigo when I toss his head to the side."
".....where was I? I can't remember where I was..... oh yeah, I was in the rectum."
"He has difficulty with um, uh, uh, uh, um, word finding. His speech is flu- is uh, flu- uh, uh, fluent."
"A U-turn was done in the rectum."
"There is also noted to be occasional short-term memory lapse, though articulate in verbal skills in generally."
(source: http://pages.sbcglobal.net/kellyratzlaff/kellyratzlaff/bloopers.htm)
May not sound funny to all, but for those who are in the medical field I hope it makes your day delightful. when I first read it, I couln't stop laughing for the whole day. :)
"The next patient's name is Doe, John.... I'm not sure which is the first name and which is the last name, although I would imagine Doe would be the last name, unless it's John."
"This is a well-developed female who is working rather hard to bleed."
"The patient's gait is normal. I am able to stand on her toes."
"The patient was discharged in a prescription for Tylenol #3."
"The patient comes in because she wants to get pregnant."
"This 50-year-old teacher is undergoing polysomnogram because of daytime sleepiness and difficulty staying asleep while teaching."
"This is an evaluation of an 11-year-old girl who suffered a fall while ice skating today on her left wrist."
"Please make a copy of my office."
"The other foot has the missing toes."
"Sterile dressing was applied and the knee was sent to the recovery room in good condition."
"Her stools throughout the entire hospital were guaiac-negative."
"He is an occasional smoker, smoking ten packs of cigarettes a day for the past 19 years."
"Pelvic and rectal were not examinated."
"No shlurred speeth."
"Blood loss from the procedure was less than 10 gallons."
"First name Victor, spelled V as in Victor...."
"Preoperative diagnosis: Unexplained abdominal pain in the knee."
"She is sexually active with one muscle."
"Duration of illness is probably at least since he became ill."
"He denies falling asleep while driving during meals."
"Patient has been married for 30 years, living at home with husband, and in the past has had dogs, cats, and children as pets."
"Also, on his right hand he has a left thumb dislocation."
"Well baby check. Height 24.5 inches, weight 15 pounds, head circumference 42.5 inches."
"She had difficulty completing simple calculations. For example, when I asked her what 3 times 3 plus 1 equals, she said 'ten'".
"She had erythema from the knees all the way up to the ankles."
"That's Catherine with a 'C', spelled k-a-t-h-e-r-i-n-e."
"Oh, transcriptionist, could you sneak into that last patient's rectum and add a scant amount of guaiac-negative stool? Thanks."
"Her decrease in vision in this eye is interfering with her ability to see."
"She lost her cool this week and apparently blew up her husband and daughter."
"She is able to raise her shoulders above her head without difficulty."
"This is a very pleasant child sitting up on the stretcher in bed with his mother who is very playful and a pleasure to play with."
"The patient's peritoneum was allowed to escape completely."
"The scope was withdrawn the length of the esophagus, which was normal. The patient was then terminated."
"The patient was a 52-year-old smoking lady."
"I will try to do a urine on her as an outpatient."
"Next patient is San..... San..... something-or-other."
"Her mother looked at her ears today and brings them in today to be checked."
"He was given a prescription for Keflex if the ear suddenly comes back."
"Assessment: Right 4th toe contusion, possible fracture. Plan: Buddy tape the right 4th toe to the left 3rd toe."
"The patient has poison oak again. She's trying all kinds of things to avoid it. She even strips and puts her clothes straight into the dishwasher."
"This is a well-developed gentleman who is obviously pregnant."
"His upper teeth, if he had them, feel normal."
"This is a well-developed elderly female. She is oriented to the year, and unsure of where she is. She is unsure of the president, but mentions Hulk Hogan as a possibility."
"The patient will be set up for the vein clinic in four to six weeks. She wants to get pregnant this summer, so I want to get her in and get her taken care of as soon as possible."
"She uses condoms for birth control pills."
"I gave her seven suppositories, one for each rectum."
".... end of dictation. Oh wait, I forgot her breasts. Please put her breasts up by her abdomen."
"The patient has two anal fissures in the same anus."
"There is vertigo when I toss his head to the side."
".....where was I? I can't remember where I was..... oh yeah, I was in the rectum."
"He has difficulty with um, uh, uh, uh, um, word finding. His speech is flu- is uh, flu- uh, uh, fluent."
"A U-turn was done in the rectum."
"There is also noted to be occasional short-term memory lapse, though articulate in verbal skills in generally."
(source: http://pages.sbcglobal.net/kellyratzlaff/kellyratzlaff/bloopers.htm)
May not sound funny to all, but for those who are in the medical field I hope it makes your day delightful. when I first read it, I couln't stop laughing for the whole day. :)
No comments:
Post a Comment